19. You should feel really sad when you get divorced. You might feel sad, you might feel relieved, you might feel angry, OR you might feel some other emotion. There's no rule that says the only emotion you should feel during divorce is sadness.
20. You don't need any time to adjust to your newly single life; you should continue doing everything you were doing before just fine. The truth is that for most people, getting divorced is stressful. Any added stress makes doing what you've always done much more difficult. So please, be gentle with yourself when you're going through divorce and allow extra time to take care of YOU.
21. You should start dating right away. Not everyone feels ready to date when they get divorced. There's no reason that you must start dating right away. Take your time and you'll know when you're ready to date.
22. The sooner you get into another relationship, the faster you'll get over your divorce. This works for a few people, but most people need to have a little bit of time to get to know themselves again before jumping into a new relationship.
23. Getting divorced means you are a failure. Getting divorced only means that your marriage didn't work out. It doesn't necessarily mean anything about you as a person.
24. Your friends will always support you. This is another one I wish wasn't on this list of lies. Your friends will support you to the best of their ability. Unfortunately, for some, they might not have any ability to support you. The thing to remember is that they're behaving in ways that make the most sense to them, not necessarily in ways that make the most sense to you.
Be honest, how many of lies on this list do you believe? If you're like most people I work with, you probably believe most of them. Heck, I believed most of them when I got divorced.
So, here's your functional divorce assignment:
- Which of the lies were you surprised to see on the list? Most of us don't realize that what we, and those around us, believe about divorce isn't true.
- What beliefs do you have about divorce that you now wonder are lies? It's common for lists like the one above to trigger other thoughts about what other lies it should include. Here's your chance to explore some of your beliefs about divorce and decide if you still want to believe them or not.
- How has reading this article changed your thoughts about your divorce recovery? When I share these fallacies about divorce with my clients, their first response is denial that they believe any of the lies. Then, when we dig a bit deeper, they recognize they might have bought into one or two of them. Once they make that discovery, we're able to directly address some of the obstacles they've had, and they're able to get through the remainder of their divorce recovery much quicker.